Here I am, back at Structure House, and it feels like I've never left. I'm even across the hall from my old bedroom!
At the same time, I miss all the old folks from 2010... though I've already shared dinner with someone new, who it turns out was on the same flight as me from NY. If only we had known... he's been coming here for 20+ years now, and it freely admits it took him a couple of times to realize that you don't go for a trip, fix everything, and return home a cured person.
It's hard to realize, at 31, that this is going to be a process for the rest of my life. We talk sometimes about how when I've reached goal weight I can occasionally have a glass of wine, or a bit of chocolate, and it will all be okay because I'll know how to lose the weight, and how to maintain the weight, and so I won't let myself go hog wild and regain the weight. Even if I do that, though, even if I accept that as a future, I will still be doing this for the rest of my life. period. Kind of scary, but on the other hand, not so scary when I'm here.
Everything is easy here. Everything is safe.
I've even done my obligatory Target-run for caffeinated coffee and sugarfree gum, and made it out without being tempted by other foods. If the real world were this simple, "the rest of my life" wouldn't seem like such a scary proposition.
But enough wallowing! I have to plan my menu for next week, plan my activities for THIS week, and then crash -- I know, I know, it's early out! But if I want to get up for the 7am spin class (and somehow, here in scenic North Carolina, I always DO), I need my beauty rest.
After all, it takes work to look this good.
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